04 May 2015

Too Much

Too much is happening, and my brain is overwhelmed. It isn't really too much, though, since I'm still standing. I have days when it's likely sheer stubbornness that keeps me going. My mantra lately has been "focus". Each day, I remind myself to focus on the main objective. For now, while my whole house wants redecorating and decluttering, I have to narrow it down to the living room. When I'm looking for paint, I'm looking only for the living room paint (and my people know THAT's a big fat lie... I love paint). Same with curtains. I bought new curtains, ONLY for the living room. It isn't easy to focus when I see ideas for other rooms of the house. Or other projects. Too much going on in my head!

The clamoring of the rest of the mental clutter gets shoved to the back as I remind myself to "focus". Each unfinished (or never started) project belonging to someone else weighs very heavily on my mind. There are numerous projects out in my shop which require my attention. Those'll have to wait until I can clean things up. The boxes and tools are all a jumbled mess that don't allow for much productivity at all.

Slowly, I'm learning to accept that I do need help on occasion. I am even learning to *ask* for the help, because there is quite a difference between knowing the need for help, and taking action to get the help. What I have encountered a few times, though, is that the "help" I get is along the lines of verbal encouragement: "You got this! You're smart, and you can figure it out!" Gee, thanks. It isn't just my morale that's flagging here, so I want real, physical help. I do realize that I don't play Damsel in Distress very well. I get it. But just because I am *capable* doesn't mean that I want to have to figure it out on my own. And maybe I just want some company. Some helpful, useful, strong company.

My secret is that there are days when I'm not physically capable. When just the act of walking seems to be too much, and my brain is exhausted, and I have very little energy, my body just wants to drag itself to bed and sleep the day away. Moments like that, I understand why so many people with fibromyalgia lay in bed all the time. Moments like that, I wish that someone would clean my kitchen for me, including wiping down the counter tops and sweeping the floors... and putting away the toaster. Please, put away the toaster. It goes in the cabinet under the bar, second door from the right. There's even a nifty slide out rack where the toaster lives. Seeing a cleared off counter eases my mind.

Yeah, I know. I'm strong, smart, and capable. I can put away the toaster. Thanks.

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